thank You for all the blessings you've put in my life. i really really cheongmal appecriate them. :) i hope to have more capacity to open up and love freely, and that this won't just be a fleeting feeling. i also pray for more courage and direction to pursue the things You want me to do, and Your will to be done. i really don't wna confuse passion and calling and monetary benefits.

wow photography is such an expensive hobby! i feel like putting it down for the moment. aft all, no matter how i convince myself, photog capabilities are still limited by the type of camera you have. heh but it'll always remain a passion :) plus i'll take eons just to explore around and decide the correct camera to get. sigh.

need some time to cool down and talk about uni choices.

Labels: sad

okay GG MAN. i'm officially sick. been having cramps since i dunno when! and this morn when i just woke up i was down w non-stop sneezing and thought i had fever. argh. and i just had indigestion i hope none of this will continue :(


so the events i've missed: final night of church camp, 2 whole days of chalet :(((((
tmr gonna miss last half a day too for submission of applications. :( just hope i'll make it for the other outings (eating & photospree & haircut), and txy camp :(


omg this sucks big time. haveta build up immune system! but now i have no appetite at all. ah well hope church camp was boomz still :D and hope peeps are having a great time at chalet! :) boohooo self pity starts now


oh and HAVE FUN AT PROM PPLZ! :D lucky i didn't sign up for prom gonna miss it anyway at the state i'm going.

Labels: angry, quiz, sad, sick

needa clear the thoughts from my head. it seems like when i think positive thoughts they're immediately drowned by negative ones.
i need to escape to somewhere, some place of fiction, some place where no one can see me, where no one knows me.
yet i know i'll miss this place.
argh just need some time alone to cry? i guess that's the only way to let my emotions escape without burdening myself any further.
i don't think there's any need for me to update on events, cos i've found another way of keeping track. (photos, neoprints, mementos, flyers, brochures, papers)
so this place will just be for my emotions / thoughts. :)
been a hectic week of being w people, seems like i really need time alone. not even talking w my family helps i think.
i really dno what's wrong w me.
God i really need your Word but i'm too lethargic to do anyth anymore. i sleep more than 10hours a day and still am tired. it feels like i'm living in this abyss, i don't even have the motivation to reach out for my dreams.
and it does feel that i'm straying further from You yet i really don't want that to happen.
please speak to me, guide me to what is right.
i think i need a sidekick to talk to, about my deepest darkest secrets, emotions, etc.
how to go beyond the superficial?
ohwell i hope it's just my moodswings. urgh hate this feeling.
yeah but nothing will stop me from loving You, that's for certain. still trying hard to trust people more but i guess that's a scar that'll last for quite a while more. but i think i'm making improvements :)
WFL prompted me to start thinking about how i've changed for the better aft knowing God, and i'm still compiling the list in my head haha. hopefully each day there'll be smth more to add to the list!
note to self: fasting from youtube except for worship songs!
lastly, thank You for all the little surprises and instances of love in my life!
okay, now for hectic Dec. schedules packed ttm. that really wasn't how i imagined post A's to be! but i'll persevere :)
music on klove heals me. cos it's music for Your people and for You.

Your body’s the bread, Your blood is the wine
Because You traded Your life for mine

Labels: busy, God, reflection, sad, sian

what went wrong?

1. planned too much, wasted lotsa time
2. didn't really follow plan
   
3. wasn't disciplined [stick to time allo]
   
4. didn't put in crucial points
5. didn't follow structure
6. didn't finish compre
   

what the hell was i thinking?!

what went right?

1. detailed plan [no freaking use]
2. improved on conclusion

i have to be disciplined from now on. consultations ftw.

Labels: frustrated, sad, stressed, stupid

i'm so disappointed with my complacency and pathetic brain space. :(
when will be the next time i can make full use of what i have?
probably never.

Labels: sad, test woes

Labels: photo series, sad, stressed

I seldom upload shots of myself, so you know how jumbled up/ nostalgic I'm feeling.

So. The holidays have started. Which means more mental torture for me struggling with all the stress.

Yesterday's harmoc concert was better than last year's. I'm happy that Harmoc is improving. The cheering didn't make me annoyed, surprisingly, but it made me happy, and kinda jealous of the VJ culture. Everyone's cheering for everyone else, even if they might not be popular. It doesn't matter. When there was a group or section performance, the cheerings were practically non-stop and would have continued if nobody had started playing.

I feel happy for Manda Gwen and WQ :) Really happy for them. Esp manda, she looks so happy in the group photos. I especially loved the Pirates of the Carribbean piece where them three wore special costumes :) Don't have the pic with me though, cam died. :( Van do you have it?

And the piece called Explosion by the Music Committee was great. One of my favourites which gave me goosebumps. :) Drummer was different, beats were different, but as usual, he was good. Drummers are good. :) (okay sweeping statement but whatever)

I think I didn't get to take pics with manda and gwen and wq. Oh man. Ended up taking group photos with those who went, LOL! :D

Before harmoc concert me van and ft met up at parkway to buy gifts for manda and gwen. Bought them two sunflowers and two mickey oreos :D LOL! I had a photo-frame to give WQ but didn't pass to manda in time! :(

Anyway, before that I was at dhs openhouse. The performances were great! Esp loved the dance one. (yes I crashed the PAC with XQ haha) CO gave me goosebumps with the suona! Omg I nearly cried I swear. Their passion is so evident! :') Live performances are so different from those CDs that play chinese traditional music, especially with DHS CO! Also got to watch symphonic band and the year 5 5-member band play :D Chaoyuan improved a lot I guess. Also watched the year 6 band (dunno what's the name) perform.

And before that, went to a seminar in NUS.

Funny how I blog in anti-chronological order. :)

I tried recovering those lost photos from my camera just now, nothing seems to be working.

I can accept the fact that all those photos were gone. But I just can't accept a life without my beloved camera. :'( Now I feel like giving up. Alright, I need a new SD / XD card.

Labels: concert, open house, sad, seminar

Labels: angry, fun, happy, mixed, photo series, sad

Labels: angry, love, mixed, random pics, sad

Loadsa things happened these few days, basically just lots of hw and tests and changes in seating arrangements and stuff.

Okay I realised my typing speed has deproved prob due to countless essay writings. Omg and I'm starting to hate blogging cos it intrudes my privacy. :( Sigh. I'll prob save all in the drafts soon enough.

Anyway scary things happened in sch man. If it's not supernatural, then it must be plain science. Like the lights in the LT kept going off, either supernatural or the circuits were connected in series. o_O And OMG the incident before CSC, really scary! :( Hope she's okay.

Yep that's it, more stuff coming up like SAM + class lunch + GP journal + MATH + econs + DOING CLL NOW. SIGH SAD LIFE. At least there's class lunch at Aston's yay!

And, I wanna thank my dad for his unwavering support, like explaining CSC stuff and helping to find info for me to refer to these few days! THANKS DAD! You really helped (:

Replies!
van: Thankyouuuuuuu! Sorry for replying so late :( LOL still didn't get the card but nvm lah :D Love you too!
wenyi: HAHA OH YA HOR. Yep I think I know how just keep alpha-locking all the way right? LOL but quite troublesome -.-

Labels: sad, scary

I really need to cheer up. Starting to feel the routine in life.

Econs lesson ytd was really hilarious. Chocs and $$ :D The teacher (forgot his name) just makes econs lessons different man! And nicole is sooo lucky hahaha 4 TOBLERONES but I rather have the money leh $1.15 + $1.05 + $0.90 hahaha.

Today PE we didn't run 3km but played floorball/hockey + dribbled around. I missed the ball like so many times + it nearly went into the goalpost -.- btw rachel's TFFT trick scared Mr Siva out of his wits cos he thought she tore the notice down -.- LOL.

Okay I think I cannot take it anymore. Can't stand the feeling of being misunderstood in front of year 5s and 6s. At first I was like, okay I don't feel angry I don't feel angry but who am I kidding? The whole school now knows. Not that I care but then I just hate being misunderstood.

Win liao. I'M PWNED, SERIOUSLY.

NOW FOR HW AND TESTS. I JUST HATE LIFE, DON'T YOU.

Maybe I'll just get gastric and die.

Edit @ 14 Feb

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE! For all couples, stay sweet forever! :D Enjoy the little things your other half do for you :D

I'm glad I'm out of my depression state alr :D Thanks for all the vday presents everyone! Esp tzuhsiang who made the presents till 4am in the morn, wenxin my angel who wrote a really sweet note + gave a v nice present which I wanted for ages, and many many more :D Thanks! Okay shall name everyone lah -.- Linghong, felicia, huiyi, rachel, /th, wenxin, mengyu, jocelyn, clara, jiayi! Oh yes and Ms Devi's wonderful ice-cream man! Can eat during PW so funnn :D If I missed anyone out pls forgive me yeah.

Really appreciate and love your presents! I'm sorry for not giving any :( Shall try to make presents next year :D LOL this year even the guys exchanged presents haha kinda fun man our sch fengqi HAHA.

I feel like an oddball. I don't like what many people like, HAHAHA.

Replies to tags!
wenyi: OMG YOU KNOW WHAT. I realised we did go to M'sia for level camp HAHAHA. Sorry ah! Only rmbed the year 3 level camp cos got the nicenice hotels and stuff :D Aiyah forget about the misunderstanding thing lah, is just they announce my name during assembly -.- HAPPY VALENTINE'S!
/th: YAY THANKS WE HAVE GREAT TASTE :D Oh yes HAPPY VALENTINE'S! Thanks for the present I won't throw the heart away :D Eating your chocs now hahaha.

Labels: happy, mixed, sad

Ahh long time no post!

Was late in the morn. OMG. I missed 3 buses in a row and plus I went down early to wait faithfully for my beloved (like real) bus 30 but to no avail. I could've squeezed into the 2nd bus lor! Argh and I really dunno what to do since the double-decked bus uncle doesn't stop and by right there's more space on a double-deck but when the poor single decked bus uncle stops, there's no space and then the bus has to go off again. TELL ME WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR AND WHY DO I KEEP MISSING BUSES T_T

HAHAHA on a sidenote, I can't believe my class is made up of such a bunch of crazy and zi-high ppl who amused me a lot by dancing and fooling and marching around :D and of course entertained me while I was studying for econs. And was laughing till my sides hurt. Hopefully we'll still be this crazy when all the stress kicks in (and not break down and all that kinda crap)

I dunno why I'm typing long sentences continuously. Must be the song I'm listening to now. A lot of repetitions but is nicenicenice :D Tonight by FM Static. First heard it on wenxin's blog. Okay anyway we took vids of ppl dancing HAHAH IT ALL STARTED WITH JOCELYN omg she's really pro :D Hope you get in yeah!

Okay the funniest part is actually wenxin bouncing the vball on the wall + the cutecute music after everyone finished dancing! I think we'll have enough prac for youth day celeb dances man :D

Okay anyway I really really REALLY REALLY don't like how we're tested on econs. I mean the MCQ part is alright, but the marks system is crap. Seriously which person in the right mind would give a minus one for a wrong answer? Not zero but minus one. Great, so the passing mark is 1/15. I LOVE IT. HAHA.

OH GOD.

Heehee, kelly and zm are so cutee :D

Replies to tags!

/th: HAHAHA YES I LOVE KELSEY but I'm not les :P
jiajia: Haha thanks a lot you cheered me up :D
wenyi: Eh no lah think pessimistic. Cos if you get 8 right and 7 wrong, you get 1 mark in the end. So you still fail the test. -.- I'm so sad you can't sense my sarcasm ):

Labels: angry, frustrated, fun, sad

I'm feeling very emotional now. Dunno why, maybe it's the hormones.

Btw, today was Red Cliff with CLL people including xh and yh. :D I got lost with yh after that looking for the mrt. OMG I'm dumb I dunno where was the mrt station. Okay so we took shuttle bus to raffles place. But that totally didn't solve our probs of finding the MRT cos we were still lost. :( Yeah then this Samaritan came and told us to walk to St Andrew's Cathedral.

I really regret not thanking him in person. ARGH cos he was walking with us lah then he sudd disappeared. So anyway, A BIG THANK YOU! :D

LUNWEN IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.

P.S. I miss J4JEREMY. But I'm embracing 11 too :D

[edit]

GO http://www.evideo.edu.sg/sdma/vote.php/home/viewentry/419.htm TO VOTE FOR OUR SCH'S FILM HAHAHA I THINK IT'S AN LA FILM. But go vote lah I think they deserve it. Don't get scared by the 'Horror' genre it's not scary one! LOL.

沒有如果 is a great song :D Haven't been so crazy over Chinese songs in awhile.

[/edit]

Replies:
wenyi: YEAH you dont have four stomachs ahhaha.
Van: OMG 2 days only where got long :( Thanks for neoprints I think they v cute :D

Labels: mixed, sad

I'll just smile and pretend nothing happened.

ALONSO ALONSO ALONSOOOOOOOOOOO ZOMG HE'S MY GOD HAHAHAHA. :D

Sometimes there's no point in getting all vexed up and sad, cos you're just making things hard for yourself. So I'll just take one step at a time and face all the troubles with a freaking smile, I don't wanna care if it's a fake one or what, even though I hate fake ones.

In case you were looking for a smiley face,

(:

I would've made it larger if I could.

Labels: angry, frustrated, sad

Been feeling down these few days. Wanted to go out but didn't have the energy to, wanted to do a lot of things but my energy level has been low these few days. Grahhh. (I swear it's not an excuse for being lazy)

Okay, I'm back to trying to type in caps. Hope I'll get used to it (: Eh I really wanna learn how to blog with emoticons argh. Saw some really cute ones hurhur. And I feel like changing my blogskin even though I promised it won't budge for months ): Saw a real cute polaroid one, omg I just can't get enough of polaroids I WANT A POLAROID ARGH.

Tata for now, maybe shall try to change the blogskin image and credit my saint (:

[edit]

Humdeedums. I found some lovely polaroids on flickr so decided to use them. Eh I got credit okay! :D But the layout still looks quite screwed ): I dunno how to lengthen the nav box. Helllllp! (but for now I'll just leave it like that -.-)

Gonna eat pizza! And shop + phototrip (hopefully) tmr (:

[/edit]

Labels: sad, sian, tired

rest in peace, kh.

even though i barely knew you back then.

please know that your friends/loved ones will miss you dearly, and don't be too sad okay?

;
crap, i broke my hiatus. but i'm really feeling very emotional now and a bit no mood to do stuff.

had a one-hour chat with wz today :D long time no chat :D

and i just turned down a date with van ): ARGHHHHHHHH

i'm really amazed by how fate works, especially after an overdose of Railway Raju. it's the most amazing four-letter word ever, (not love or any other alternatives in case you were wondering). finally could talk to zt today after a complicated incident of fate :D

freudian slipped on a banana :D

Labels: sad

i'm struggling to keep my head above water
struggling under that pile of crap
those daggers, expectations
all the imperfections of this world
was the world even close to perfect?


IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE AN EMO POST. i just can't help it. moodswings again. i'm going gagagagaga lol



i need a sunrise



i'm just an eyesore

i'm not making things out to be worse, it just happens to be the truth

can people just see things beneath the surface? i'm freaking sick of all this.

it's so difficult, but why can't they try to understand?

i know i'm wasting all my time on all this sh!t, but there's no point in starting work with a dampened mood.



bump the chicken, bump the fat woman



i want to be happy! :D

but i also want to cry.


probably lack of sleep.

Labels: emo, sad

Shortshortshort post today cos mugging for Hamlet + chiong chem jianbao later. "Break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue." He's a damn fickle person (and the cause of our miseries)

Gah my gastric is getting worse :'( I always have pains in the morning :(

OKAY GUESS WHAT I FORGOT TO BRING MY PE SHIRT AGAIN. last week i brought but didn't have PE lol. then this week have PE but i thought it was a Wednesday! kept timing again haha. er got relief PE tcher which i don't rmb seeing -.- yay Felicia passed her 2.4 (: may have to run next week cos i cant find my long-term MC :'(

and captain's ball during PE was so jingcai cos samuel + kk aimed one ball each to the other side of the court O: and i think it was a good game! (GG yeah) whoa if interclass captain's ball we win liao lor (haha) if not interclass concert can also, we pwnz haha.

K maybe i shall just end here haha my internet fonts suddenly became so small and i think it looks better :D

I think I really must end it. It can't go on anymore, I'm just seeking trouble for myself.

No way to salvage anymore.

;
Is a simple sign of appreciation that difficult for you?

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams

Labels: sad

today was the last elective lesson on drosophila. and also the last day before the june break. kinda miss Mr Ali the alligator. it was fun playing with him. yeah and i miss Scottz (cool name btw) and Sheikh and Ya lin if i'm not wrong. haha. though our class was rather dead in the mornings and i think they got fed up after not getting an answer though they repeated their qns many many times O:

& i mixed up the brown-eyed and red-eyed flies btw. cos my chromatography was just yellow + blue ): when red-eyed is supp to have a rainbow. T.T and i dont know how to make up for these 3 days of absolute torture having to torture the flies. aye that's why i ain't gonna be a biologist. it's damn cruel having to cut up flies and pull their larvae apart, i dissect until wanna cry. how ah i still feel so guilty.

on a lighter note, going VJ harmoc concert tmr (: hope it'll be fun! and hope got chance to take pics with manda gwen wq ft zy (: i miss them so much :D

people come, people go
and in the end they're just like shadows
i think you'll just be another passerby
so here's an early goodbye.
i don't know how long this will last
but while it lasts, i hope i'll be happy

Labels: emo, sad

ZOMG DAVID ARCHULETA DIDN'T WIN. ): i've got insider info from the US haha. sigh.

argh i can't believe it man! i wanted so much for him to be american idol. he's got pure talent, david cook can only sing in a pub. plus the latter didn't do very well last night. walao. david arch's voice is love!

according to insider info, David A got 44% of the votes and David cook got 56%. that's like so damn close ): and i don't know anyone who supports cook here. haha.

haha gotta eat my lunch now, blog later if can.

Labels: random, sad