i'm struggling to keep my head above water
struggling under that pile of crap
those daggers, expectations
all the imperfections of this world
was the world even close to perfect?


IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE AN EMO POST. i just can't help it. moodswings again. i'm going gagagagaga lol



i need a sunrise



i'm just an eyesore

i'm not making things out to be worse, it just happens to be the truth

can people just see things beneath the surface? i'm freaking sick of all this.

it's so difficult, but why can't they try to understand?

i know i'm wasting all my time on all this sh!t, but there's no point in starting work with a dampened mood.



bump the chicken, bump the fat woman



i want to be happy! :D

but i also want to cry.


probably lack of sleep.

Labels: emo, sad

these few days has been, whoosh. nothing much going on in my life right now. ): i haven't been going out, much as i expected. i feel like getting a life, like right now. instead of emo-ing over my mp3 songs, smses, the tv, com, anything i can possibly emo with. urgh.

we finally had a family outing ytd at parkway. oh well better than being cooped up at home. we went to pavilion optics to get papa's spectacles. he hasn't changed one in like, 6 years? i'll bet he nearly broke the guinness world records.

waited for like forever, halfway mama and sis went to queue at swensen's. still waited for 15mins after papa was done. i dunno why but i refused to go anywhere else to eat even if we waited forever alr. like it was smth worth waiting for. and i was sure about it. i know i'm stubborn but usually i'm quite fickle. i haven't made up my mind so strongly before.

sorry ah my brain's going haywire. until my papa and mama forced me out of that place cos they didn't want to wait anymore, did i finally leave that place. T_T there goes my spaghetti dinner ): anyway we ate at this hongkong inspired restaurant? think so. i think their food's only so-so lah, i want my swensen's dinner ): but their mango dessert is great :D

throughout the dinner my family was suaning me about my acquired catchphrase, '给我多一点时间 lah'. cos i needed more time to enjoy my food mah! T_T okay i know i'm slow when i eat, but that's cos i've got a small mouth and limited amylase! urgh. then my mum was saying next time someone proposes to me (yeah right), he has to wait a year for me to make up my mind. (god, how true, i really AM quite fickle) right zt? (:

thinking of switching to specs instead of contacts leh, cos contacts kinda ex -.- i still can't make up my mind. still have a few weeks' time to decide. i look weird in specs lah.

;
unexpected. i almost wanted to feel the same way again. please lor, you spoilt it again. stop acting like you're so fragile. cause you don't know you've cut me so deep before. i bet you won't ever get it, just like you won't ever know why it turned out like that.

but yeah, i'm alright and i bet you're not. too bad.

Labels: emo, parkway

today was the last elective lesson on drosophila. and also the last day before the june break. kinda miss Mr Ali the alligator. it was fun playing with him. yeah and i miss Scottz (cool name btw) and Sheikh and Ya lin if i'm not wrong. haha. though our class was rather dead in the mornings and i think they got fed up after not getting an answer though they repeated their qns many many times O:

& i mixed up the brown-eyed and red-eyed flies btw. cos my chromatography was just yellow + blue ): when red-eyed is supp to have a rainbow. T.T and i dont know how to make up for these 3 days of absolute torture having to torture the flies. aye that's why i ain't gonna be a biologist. it's damn cruel having to cut up flies and pull their larvae apart, i dissect until wanna cry. how ah i still feel so guilty.

on a lighter note, going VJ harmoc concert tmr (: hope it'll be fun! and hope got chance to take pics with manda gwen wq ft zy (: i miss them so much :D

people come, people go
and in the end they're just like shadows
i think you'll just be another passerby
so here's an early goodbye.
i don't know how long this will last
but while it lasts, i hope i'll be happy

Labels: emo, sad

(edit at 22 May)

we dissected drosophila larvae ytd zomg can't believe i forgot to blog about electives. yeah the full name of fruit flies is, drosophila melanogaster! yay i rmbed :D urgh we tried 3 times and dissected 3 poor larvae omg i dissect until i wanna cry lah. poor things :'( omg sorry audrey for screwing up and losing the salivary glands. ): in the end didn't even find them lah. wth i really feel damn bad. i think i'll reincarnate into a fruit fly larvae ):


btw we had only one fruit fly left. 2 of them eloped through the container (yeah we put one male and one female in it) dunno if they mated anot. i was telling wenyi maybe they found someplace where the grass was greener and the moon was rounder to mate -.- in the other container one fly was dead ): poor female who has no mate now.


yeah and today i'm sick. had terrible stomach cramps in the morning. gahh. now it's coming back. x(


i keep wanting to blog about level camp and the stuff i learnt. but i guess the things i have to rmb will all be on paper, and the lessons i learnt will all be in my heart. not a lazy excuse okay!


the songs we sang, the tears we cried, the cheers we cheered, and the laughters we had, it'll forever be etched in my memories. the funny concentration game, the chalet, the secret gatherings we had in the chalets, the indescribable feeling we had when the flames died down after the campfire, our campfire item and how great it sounded when we rehearsed it for the first time, fraddy's big nose, and wyna and xinyi's funny shadow play... too much memories to hold on to. like mr koh said on campfire night, take a picture of this scene, and you'll bring it with you forever. i can still rmb very clearly the picture which i took.


谁也不能永远陪谁, this is the cruel truth. but what matters is that we all have bonded over 5 days. these 5 days were long enough to share weal and woe with our classmates, talk and laugh with people i rarely talked with, and have fun with the whole class. i even felt the warmth of the 4I and J bond on campfire night when we took turns cheering our class cheers (we cheered theirs and they cheered ours) and when they said our class tee was very nice :D




(end of edit)



OMG HAHAHA LOOK AT THIS. WARNING: MAXIMUM BRAIN DAMAGE.

http://profiles.friendster.com/davidmars

wth man, check this out too. lesser brain damage cos got that cute guitarist and er drummer. haha. http://profiles.friendster.com/jackofheartstheband

haha if you're from dhs year 3-4 08, you'll get the joke. :P

omg i'm supposed to do my bio reflections and ended up getting high and zonked out on friendster and blogger and msn. argh!

okay later gotta chiong bsp lunwen stuffs. ): we're way behind time i think.

;
wth my sis was knocking/ banging on the door just now then i didn't hear leh omg. i think i siao alr. and i suddenly realise the packet of jellybeans beside me is gone and she's eating it lol.

Labels: emo, random, sad, sick

POST 480!

so many sad things happened recently. china's 7.9 earthquake was disastrous and mr sng dedicated one whole flag-raising to ask us donate cheques and stuff. and two ppl who were from sichuan came onstage to talk. it's very sad, i hear until almost wanna cry.

and ziyu has left. i dunno how 4j will be like without him lah, even though he's always late and for half the mornings he's not there. but now it's like he's permanently stuck in florida, and we won't get to see him anymore unless he really comes over during the holidays. which is quite unlikely. ):

i don't know whether he seen my sms at 10 ytd. take care, continue to rock on with your breaking dancing and handstands, and rmb that we all love you (: rmb that a part of 4j is always with you okay!

started our drosophila electives again. it's the scientific name for fruit flies -.- and i can't rmb the full name lah. oops, haha. i didn't know it was about fruit flies, i thought just flies in general. cos i love the eyes of houseflies. (:

blog-hopped a little, saw a lot of other strangers' blogs. haha. and i saw xx's post! which means she posted during her elective, haha imba (:

aiyah basically it was just quite sian lah. every day's sian. i bet hols will be even sianner. so much revision to do, can't go out. argh i want my AF darlings and vj concert! manda can we meet up to buy your tickets pretty please! i miss you oh-so-much haha and i can't wait to see you gwen and wanqing (:

btw i screwed up my hair. i told the hairdresser to layer my hair, and she went to snip off my fringe, dammit.

;
when will i ever get out of this vicious cycle? my wounds start to heal and i start to forget, then you come along to remind me of the ugly past. can this just come to an end?

But I ain't giving up quite yet,
I've got too much to lose

Labels: emo, sad, sian

i officially screwed my life today. shortly put, it was one of the i-wanna-die days. wth lah.

i couldn't believe i failed my math. i put in so much hard work and everyth, studied one week before the test, but everything was in vain. i even took the trouble to meet up with zt to practice the tb and ws questions before the test. i tried so hard to keep breathing despite math pushing me below the water. you think i not disappointed ah? maybe math is really not for me. i tried my best already. i really did.

i can't believe this is happening. goodbye, 3.4 GPA. goodbye to my future, maybe i'll really go sell veggies in the market.

screwed up math, LA test and geog presentation. give me a break LAH.

living up to people's expectations, it really sucks. i can't even face myself now.

p.s. thanks van for consoling me today and the tissue haha (:

Labels: bad day, emo

oh gosh the whole world's at EDS NITE and i really really regret not going ): I FEEL OH-SO LONELY NOWWW T.T mum and dad's gone to a concert, and how i wish i went eds nite lah zomg. okay now i swear i'm going to a concert next year. any will do.

first time feeling so lonely in my life. someone please cheer me up! (but i know no one will) maybe i shall just hide in a corner to emo. (and try to smash lightbulbs into my head for the lovely geog skit)

NOBODY'S ONLINE LAH BOOHOO ): i've got no life i want to cry alr lah.

geog skit please. level camp please. class tee please. no tests please. june hols please. LOVELY LA FINISH FILMING PLEASE. get over you please.

Labels: emo