lack of food has its way of getting to me. i feel like i just fasted. hmm. time to do some self-reflection, since nothing. is. going. into. my brain. (i hope it kicks start again soon) and I SHOULD STOP WASTING TIME.

haha but yeah shall post smth heart-felt, i wanna blog about it before i forget. this marks some kinda milestone/impt stage in my life okay!
here goes..

have really changed a lot these 4 years. i think it was the most drastic change that ever happened to me.
i've become much, much more reserved.
sometimes it feels torturous, as if smth's tearing out at you and you wanna just let yourself loose with no reservations. but i controlled myself. controlled my emotions.

i guess it's refreshing in some kinda way :)
haha those who knew me from my sec3 days, i'm really sorry :P
used to be this freaking annoying person who talked without thinking; hurt others without knowing and laughed without any reservations whatsoever.
hate the arrogant self i was 2 years ago. omg how i abhor myself.

hee but haveta admit those 2 years were the best of my life. NOT cos of my hurting others okay! (rest assured) but cos i got to know some of the most amazing people ever. :) though we've drifted apart, those were some of the most memorable times of my life ^^ they'll be with me forever.

and though i now have fewer friends to hang arnd with, those who stuck by me are the people who really care. they do not judge by my flaws. they stick by me in times of thick or thin. though they do have their flaws, i'm so much more flawed than them and i still love them really very much. :) thank you, all you lovely people!

to those who're running this final lap! please do hang in there and take care of your health, drink loadsa water (cliche advice yeah i know) and eat fruits, study hard! YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
LET'S PLAY HARD AFT WE SURVIVE THESE TUMULTUOUS TIMES! :)
doubt anyone's reading, but just in case! fate has a way of working things out at the right time.

Labels: bad day, busy

Labels: bad day, famous people, photo series, sick

i officially screwed my life today. shortly put, it was one of the i-wanna-die days. wth lah.

i couldn't believe i failed my math. i put in so much hard work and everyth, studied one week before the test, but everything was in vain. i even took the trouble to meet up with zt to practice the tb and ws questions before the test. i tried so hard to keep breathing despite math pushing me below the water. you think i not disappointed ah? maybe math is really not for me. i tried my best already. i really did.

i can't believe this is happening. goodbye, 3.4 GPA. goodbye to my future, maybe i'll really go sell veggies in the market.

screwed up math, LA test and geog presentation. give me a break LAH.

living up to people's expectations, it really sucks. i can't even face myself now.

p.s. thanks van for consoling me today and the tissue haha (:

Labels: bad day, emo

the chalet wasn't as good as i had imagined. a lot of conflicts happened, and i didn't sleep very well.

day 1
we took shuttle bus to aloha loyang at 4pm. didn't wait for manda and felt very guilty. will try to explain to her. it was drizzling by the time we got there. we went to our rooms lah.

there were 3 rooms, ms seow took one of them. haha then the girls split into two and the guys took one room. we, EIGHT girls had to squeeze into 2 SINGLE BEDS. wtf. i should have brought my sleeping bag.

we got our cls jersey! yay. played a little card games. then went for bbq. okay that part i felt very guilty cos i didn't help much lah. not everyone was involved. yeah then we didn't clean up and ms seow was very disappointed in us.

what happened to me? why didn't i take initiative to clean up. what happened to the guiding spirit that was supposed to be in me. i let down all my seniors and guides.

anyway no one cared about the rubbish lah. we watched 'so you think you can dance'. it was damn nice but we went to games room after that. only 3-12 yrs allowed and to think almost everyone managed to play inside! haha kena the balls alot of times lah. and sprained my foot AGAIN. the toes part.

then we went to swim! lol yes in our clothes! we just watched zt nic and zy at first. but then more people started coming out of the arcade then weihong jordan etc started jumping in haha. then we jumped in too! :D yeah then zt sort of taught me how to swim cos i haven't did that in like a thousand years? (:

was damn shuang. but we still didn't clean up! sorry bbq people. xin ku ni men le! goodjob. we went to bathe. then slacked in our rooms! card games. murderer the hand version. truth or dare. cheat! :D

2d went on a movie marathon. we watched scary movie1, the saw, scary movie 2, davinci code. haha i only watched scary movie 1 then went back to play with zt and van. they took some stupid zilian photos of themselves. =.= then waited for more people to finish the saw. walao everyone was so traumatised.

haha. zy went on a dare to scare the others who were watching by standing at the window and screaming like a ghost. she managed to scare eve! (: then watched abit of scary movie2 then went back to sleep. thennn davinci we only watched first 10mins then got bored. the stupid english subtitles! kept mentioning soybean cakes and what not. then switched to chinese was youtiao. wtf. what's with food in davinci.

we went to sleep. louise sang us to sleep! haha. it was totally torturous cos everyone didn't have space to sleep. lol i was sleeping on zy and gwen's feet. we slept at 4plus and i woke up at 6. wtfff. i was sitting up and sleeping at the same time. hahaha.

day 2
the others woke up at 8plus. then i continued to sleep. (: then ms seow came in and scolded us for not washing the dishes. =.= then we washed and conflicts started coming in.

zt manda gwen etc went burger king/mac at downtown east and left me and van alone. wtf. so we walked to the cafe which was CLOSED, then one whole round around aloha loyang, then to downtown east. it was really very torturous cos i was alrdy damn hungry. even guides isn't like that. haha kept complaining then van couldn't stand it.

yes we finally reached after 15mins walk. bought cross'ainwich meal :D then ate and went over to mac where the rest were. then sneaked the bk drink there and slacked there :D then walked around, and waited for manda and gwen but turned out they alrdy left. THAT'S ENOUGH MAN.

then ms seow lectured us about the cleanliness of the chalet and stuff. then we cleaned up the rooms etcetc. suddenly everyone became so enthu :D really reminds me of guides.

we went games room and turned it upside down. then the guy there chased us away cos it was obviously for 3-12yrs. then went arcade and watched lou and jes para para-ing :D manda and zt were real pro!

watched lou jes zy swimming again. me manda gwen waded around in the pool until the guard chased us off. haha then gwen took some idiotic photos of us and manda baywatching hahaha. lol evil gwen! she showed others haha until manda had to leave at 1pm. then slacked around. sang birthday songs for the whole of 2d! then ate the cake.

i was torn between chalet and tuition. in the end left at 1plus for the shuttle bus. oops i didn't see ms seow who was in the kitchen even when i looked there =.= i asked hoyee to tell ms seow haha. hope she isn't angry with me.

was raining like siao and to think i almost got lost.

-
i had a freaky moodswing on the way home and started crying. i finally realised something that can't be put to words. one word, alone.

Labels: bad day, sad