looking back at my 2005 archives and the posts about all the guides activities, i felt a sense of reminisce and nostalgia. all my posts were brimming with my love for guides. how i wish i could go back then, where everything was so wonderful. no gastric, all the pia-ing. when p5 got first for so many things and our hard work & team spirit paid off, pt with tongjies, even the evaluation we had with our seniors (traditional one), they all seemed so picture-perfect.
i was so innocent to think things would stay like that forever.

the weal and woe we've been through tgt just kept playing through my head. why can't it be like that still? why can't my gastric stop? why did i have gastric in the first place?

too many questions unanswered. maybe it's predestined. nobody trusts me anymore. i'm labeled as a traitor, a loser, a whatever, not to mention the inverted commas.

*
ARGH GASTRIC'S REALLY DRIVING ME CRAZY NUTS. omg this morn when i went dwnstairs on my way to sch i felt so dizzy and my legs wanted to give way & so i dunno why i did this but i turned around & walked back. to put it simply for dimwits people out there, i didn't go to sch today. gosh i'm so dead meat bones. & i've been eating lesser breakfast by the day. 1 week ago one bowl of cereal, now only a handful. dunno if it's got anyth to do with stupid 2.4km run. gastric maybe? just can't eat lah, you know the feeling? you eat smth. acid gushes up your whatsthat-phagus. you can taste it. it corrodes your tongue. the only diff is that, i didn't even eat anyth yet. one mouthful and that's it. starts all over again.

holy man today i missed um, *takes a big breath that fills my lungs up to the size of a moo-moo cow*: chem test napfa five stations retest chem file check which i need to collect files bio chem hcl (aiyah this one nvm) maths geog need to get the ws cos i don't have! somemore everything double period except for bio & chem which we had test with first period-.-

whatthe i promised myself not to miss sch alr why can't i do it?! gosh, i gotta stop my gastric & be a good girl and stop playing truant missing school already. from now on, i'm gonna binge :D hoho, if there's even anyth to eat at all. yups.