my life's not as good as i thought it would be after all.

now that all the tests and endless streams of hw are almost over for the moment, i thought things would change. but it's still the same.

life still sucks. i don't know how to put it anymore. so much to rant about, yet i can't find the words to. i'm procrastinating, even on the change of my current blogskin.

I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING INTO THE AIR. but i can't anyway. my throat's so painful. i shall just bottle everything inside me and let my heart rot away slowly. perhaps that's just the meaning of life.

you all do love to stare. well then, stare till you go blind, for i could very much guarantee you ultimate blindness when you look at me.

i know why. it's depression. not that emo kind, but this time it really is. so empty inside. i dunno why but i feel that i'm in a broken family right now. with nothing. no warmth, no happiness, no nothing. maybe cos only my mum's at home, and she's throwing tantrums at her students' papers. i do feel the pain, you know, i do. don't do this anymore, it makes me really sad.

she doesn't know i'm crying right in front of her, with my back facing her. stop that, it really hurts me. stop it, just stop. i don't know what or who you're angry at, but just stop. i feel so useless. i want to do something to comfort her, but yet i can't. cos i'm afraid i can't control my emotions.

no one wanted that to happen, and it'll soon resolve. it might take time and many sacrifices, but it would soon improve.

*
i think you're mad. really out of your mind. have you got nothing better to do than to conjure up such hopeless things? stop taking fantasies so seriously. it's really so naive.

i hate slackers. to anyone out there who thinks they can do nothing at all while others slog their guts out for them can go and die.