Painful. Very painful.
My thighs, my head, my heart.
Thighs are due to the sadistic things siva made us do during pe. Knee-alternate 90deg walking, walking like a chimpanzee with back curved & arms touching ground, "jumping like a Mary" (as quoted from ft) etc. My head’s hurting cos I can’t think. my heart’s hurting cos I’m so confused.
I felt like breaking down just now. I wanted to go guides, but I know I couldn’t face the seniors anymore. I know it wouldn’t be the same as before, when I was already absent for so many weeks. I know they’re angry at me. Even if some of them weren't, most of them would feel that way.
It's typical. I would feel irritated if I only had one direct junior in my patrol, and still she didn’t come for more than 3 weeks straight. Leaving her juniors to struggle. Leaving them to teach THEIR juniors alone.
It's been hard on you all, zhong ers. I'd wanna go for guides, but I know I can't face everyone. It ain't the same anymore. I suddenly dread going back, having to face everyone, cos I know I've let everyone down.
Not that most of them would care. I'm just a nobody. I'm giving up on myself. But to whoever who truly cares (for real. not those who care only on the outside & just for the sake of themselves), I'm truly grateful. & I'm really sorry for not being able to fulfil my roles well as a zhong san.
It's not that I don't wanna go. But it’s really painful & frustrating. The gastric. First week when I was absent I started to have gastric problems alrdy. So on sat I went to see the gastric specialist. Second week I had to go back to see the specialist again cos she was flying somewhere else for a meeting. Third week, I had stomach flu. DARN IT LAH. WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE GASTRIC?! It's so dreadful.
Now I think I’m a little anorexic. I see food, it’s like I don’t feel like eating. Even if I’m starving like anyth, I still won’t eat. I seriously dunno what's wrong with me.
Anyway, back to some cheerful stuff. After ytd's pe everyone's legs/thighs/butts were aching like sht. Then first thing in the morn we had to climb the stairs to LT for LA lect. Then when it ended we climb down keep 'OWW'ing. -.- climbing up is okay. But climbing down you’ll feel like your legs are gonna break any moment.
Then 'class stand' that time also oww, sit down also oww. Go toilet sit on toilet bowl also oww. Dammit. The ointment doesn't even work; I applied ytd alrdy lor. ):
